


Human Emotion

by whorror_jpeg



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Deaf, Deaf Character, Deaf Reader, Eventual Romance, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Gay, Gay Male Character, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-21
Updated: 2018-10-15
Packaged: 2019-07-15 01:20:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,893
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16052504
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whorror_jpeg/pseuds/whorror_jpeg
Summary: "So tell me why my gods look like youAnd tell me why it's wrong"-1950, King PrincessIn which the reader is a deaf gay man at the precinct, and Connor is curious.can be read as a transman or cisman, either way.





	1. 1950

**Author's Note:**

> i haven't seen a lot of gay connor besides with Hank or Gavin, and I don't see a lot of deaf characters. Being a bisexual transman who has an increasing rate of probability towards deafness, I kinda feel excluded. So, here's a present that i took a lot of time on. 
> 
> Song:1950 by King Princess.

He could recount every single thing known to man. It was easy for him, just a simple scan of an article or three and he was caught up on things going on in the world. He knew what was happening in Russia, Finland, and Greece in a matter of seconds. He knew words, but only literately. He still had yet to find his own definitions. He often found himself wondering if the things he felt were normal. If people were as close to emotional development as he were.  If the saw colors in the same light he did. Heard sounds in the way others could. Pinpoint what hurt and where; what touch sent his nervous system traces of definitions to his brain.

He pondered if emotion was a universal thing that everyone felt exactly the same way about, or if everyone felt it differently, leaving him in total and utter isolation.

Before he was who he is, he never needed to think about these queries, never needed to prepare for the harsh Detroit winter or too-warm summer. He didn’t need to think about anything except his case, and now that he had so much to think about, he understood why people got tired after crying.

Sympathy and empathy are not his friends, he deduced.

There was a new person who joined the team, just nearly a year after Markus gained liberation for androids. Connor still visited him and North, checked on them, asked for advice on being someone and not something. They were much wiser in being alive than he was, 

The man was unassuming and quiet, he kept to himself for the most part, until he was teamed with Lieutenant Hank Anderson. Then, he’d have to speak about different things, some things that perhaps didn’t connect to the case, but it seemed important to him nonetheless, so Connor decided it was important as well. Establishing a morale in partnership was healthy and building trust was too, so maybe it was for the better and actually was, in fact, important. And he appreciated Markus’ much calmer demeanor than North’s aggressive one, but he’d never say either of those things.

He was young, twenty-four for certain, just a bit older than his model was made to look. He wondered how someone so young could already be a detective, but that was until he found out that he was  _ brilliant _ . Brilliant in the form of complete understanding, in the way that most people wouldn’t. Brilliant in the that he could name every capital city of every country and state. Brilliant in the way that he could fluently speak thirteen languages. Brilliant in the way that he didn’t have to speak for someone to hear him. Brilliant in a way that was almost android-esque with more touches of humanity and philanthropy. He was human, yet so much more.

Human held so many more meanings. Human meant dying of sickness, old age, or unnaturally, emotion, culture, family, and even more. Being an android, even one awoken, just meant being unplugged, shut down, or damaged, and it meant knowledge. Of a world, where acceptance wasn’t likely, and experience and growth was none. 

Human was, more or less, impeccable mortality, striving for immortality, when immortality is but a phase itself.

He understood why humans were God-fearing, it gave reason to everything. Perhaps that's why they made him, so they could be in charge of something. Maybe that’s a hidden reason slavery was so overlooked when it happened. So they could be their own gods. Having a things life in the hands of something so poetically disastrous, and given two options; the feared god or loved god, made them powerful. Connor wondered what power would go into being someone who believed in a deity. 

Perhaps it would go into the creation of  _ him _ . He deserved it, Connor thought. He deserved the world, in his eyes.

At first, Connor thought he was filled with contempt and hate, or at least a distaste, for everyone. He didn’t understand why he wouldn’t talk, respond, or even acknowledge most people- save for Fowler, but he could get anyone’s attention if he really wanted it, and as could Gavin, but he was so good at ignoring people and the tinge of bleakness in the workspace.  He wondered why that is, and if he would ignore him as well.

He was seated on top of Hank’s desk, when he asked, “Is (Y/N) new? I’ve never seen him before.”

“Connor, don’t ask dumb questions.” Hank rolled his eyes, “He was here before, took a break, and now he’s back. End of story.”

Connor looked down at his hands, “Is he always rude to everyone?”

The lieutenant gave a questioning look, “What?”

“He never responds when people are talking to him, like Gavin.”

Anderson sat back in his chair, giving a sigh, “Anyone in their right mind would ignore Reed, first of all. Secondly, it’s not that he’s being rude or that he _won't_ respond. He’s deaf. He _can’t_ respond.”

That piqued Connor’s interest, and quickly he downloaded the language into his data.

“Can’t believe you didn’t know that, Con. He’s got a translator android and everything.”

Hank was referring to Miles, an android seen next to (Y/N) nearly at all times. He wasn’t just a translator, though, he was meant for many things, and even after being awakened, he still helped (Y/N) with his work and getting around, much like a service dog for someone. 

“Interesting,” Connor stated plainly, catching the older man’s attention again.

“What do you mean?”

Connor shrugs, “I’ve never met anyone who’s deaf.” 

This makes Hank chuckle, “Go introduce yourself, kiddo. I’m sure he’s friendly.” 

Connor tilted his head down a bit. What if he wasn’t friendly? What if he thought Connor was weird?

Connor calmed himself of his nerves a bit before getting up from Hank’s desk and making his way to the deaf man.

He tapped (Y/N)’s shoulder, startling him, his android becoming a bit protective before realizing that it was another android.

“Hello, (Y/N),” he said evenly, the male looking up to him.

_ I’m sorry, I’m deaf. _

Miles began to speak up before Connor raised his hand, stopping the android.

“Can you read me?” Connor asks, talking about reading his lips.

(Y/N) nodded a bit with a questioning look, “Good.” Connor smiled, “My name is Connor. I’m Hank’s partner.”

(Y/N) smiled,  _ Nice meeting you, Connor. I’m (Y/N). _


	2. Like Real People Do

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: Like Real People Do by Hozier
> 
> i am so in love with this miniseries. can someone please love me as much as connor loves (y/n)????

It didn’t take long for the deaf man to get used to the android. Of course, it was odd- to everyone- for Connor to find such an interest in him, but no one really minded. It was nice seeing (Y/N) converse with someone other than Fowler or Miles, or, and as funny as it was, watching (Y/N) call Gavin a bitch in sign.

“Did it ever cross your mind to get the new hearing aids that have been developed by Cyberlife?” Connor asked, sitting across (Y/N) in a coffee shop in the early hours of the morning before work. Miles was grocery shopping for (Y/N), claiming he wanted some alone time, and Connor said he could make sure (Y/N) would get to work ‘efficiently and safely’.

(Y/N) shook his head, _I have, but they have a tendency to blow up. Three people have been hospitalized because of them._ He made an explosion with his hands and a quiet sound of one with his breath before laughing as best he could. Connor simply smiled at him.

_I like working, and you know… being alive._

This made Connor laugh a bit, “I suppose you’re right. That would be less than… desirable.”

(Y/N) scrunched his face, _Speak faster, I can’t understand when you talk slow._

“Oh, sorry.” Connor gave a disappointed look to himself, “You’re right, it wouldn’t be good if that’d happen.” he shrugged, making (Y/N) smile a bit.

_No need to look so down about yourself, Connor. You’re still learning._

“I know, I just think I should be better at communicating with you, it _is_ in my programming after all, and-”

He was cut off by the breathy laughs of the man in front of him.

_Connor, you don’t have to be your programming, you can be you, and seeing this man apart from his android appearance is beautiful._

Connor tilted his head in curiosity.

 _Being human is being confused, making mistakes, learning from them, and so, so much more. You don’t need to be perfect, you already are to me and to other people,_ (Y/N) shrugged, leaning back and taking a large drink from his coffee.

Connor squinted, “You’re an odd person, (Y/N). You’re different from all the other humans I’ve met.”

He snorted in his coffee before putting it down, _You’re telling me. You know, some people might think **you’re** the weird one, he laughed again before standing, checking his watch, We’d better go before Hank loses his shit. _

Connor nods, grabbing his suit jacket and opening the door for the man next to him.

As they walked, Connor had begun to feel different, not scared or angry by any means, just… odd, making him quirk his head and look at (Y/N), who was happily walking beside him, finishing off his coffee and throwing it away in a trash can on the sidewalk, waiting for the light to turn green for the pedestrians. Connor tapped his shoulder, “Have you ever gotten feelings you can’t explain?”

(Y/N) looked like he was thinking, _I think that’s you defining emotion in your own way, Connor._

The android nodded, looking off again.

* * *

 

The day passed by breezily and ritualistically; file, go to a crime scene, investigate, go back to the station, report on everything, file again.

The longer Connor talked to the deaf Sergeant, the more he understood about him. How, while he was smart, he didn’t show it often, save for when he was talking about his passionate topics. He had come up with a sign-name for Connor, out of the pureness of his heart and the friendship that had grown between them (the sign for human with C’s in the hands; he was calling Connor a human).

 _I’ve never really wanted to ‘fix’ my ‘disability’ before._ (Y/N) responded to Connor after a thought-filled moment.

“Why not?”

_It’s always been something I’ve lived with. I’ve never been able to hear, and I’m a Sergeant at Detroit PD, and I’m climbing the ranks. It’s not a disability to me, sure I have to have Miles and special goggles for movies and stuff so I can read the screen captions, but it’s okay. I still feel everything people feel, think the same- for the most part-, I love and hate and can walk and live on my own and pay my own bills without government assistance, I think I’m fairing pretty well in life. So why fix something that doesn’t need fixing?_

At that, Connor thought long and hard before realizing he and (Y/N) aren’t too different after all. Everyone saw them as something to be fixed; an android with a one where a zero should be, and a man with a soundless world. But the two of them were perfect in their own ways, and understood each other when others wouldn’t. Connor found comfort in that.

* * *

 

After a few weeks of knowing each other, Connor found himself constantly checking his systems around (Y/N), as they seemed to be malfunctioning. But with his deviancy, all of his systems checked out as they normally would, _so what was this feeling he got?_

He found it after he had come over to watch movies with him.

 _I don’t understand why the girls like these movies. They’re completely unrealistic,_ Connor watched as you signed, practically groaning at the cheesiness of the plot.

“Perhaps it’s because they show fantasies of what they want to happen?” Connor replied, making sure he was reading what Connor was saying. (Y/N) shrugged and paused the T.V., stretching with a groan.

_I’m gonna start dinner._

The android nodded, following you to the kitchen and sitting on a countertop, watching as you cut vegetables and browned meat, boiling noodles in the background. Taking a break, the man turned to Connor and sighed, _Do you ever just feel like you’re waiting for the next unexpected thing in life to come around to surprise you? Like, you’re just ‘riding the wave’ until something comes up in your boring life?_

Connor nods, “Yes, it’s odd to go from constantly observing the world to already knowing what it contains and not gaining much from life.”

 _You’re awful, you know that?_ (Y/N) chuckles, making Connor look at him surprised at the unanticipated comment.

“Why do you say that?!” Connor asks, getting off of the counter as (Y/N) walked closer.

 _You just… It’s like you know me already, all of my thoughts, my feelings, all of my… unequivocal ways of being myself, of being human,_ He starts looking to think harder for a better, simpler explanation, _I don’t know, you understand me and don’t give any room for doubt or over-expectation from me. You don’t strive to be this amazing person to me, but you are, and it’s not fair._

Connor nods, “I’m still not sure if that’s supposed to be a compliment or an insult, but-”

And he’s cut off by the other man in the form of a hug. Having been touch starved, absent-mindedly craving human affection and physical contact, his sensors drove wild, but still, he slowly pushed error signs away indicated by his fast-beating heart to hug the other man back, wrapping his arms around his neck, standing tandem with him, silently enjoying the warm feeling of being embraced by such a brilliant-minded, beautifully inspired person.

_Sorry, I just needed to do that, I’m sorry, something came over me, and I-_

It was Connor who cut him off, still standing close and leaning to press a soft kiss to the other man’s lips, grasping his face with a delicacy only found in… _heaven_ , he presumed. It was simply the only thing he felt the need to do, knowing what he was feeling now. Complete and utter infatuation with the deaf man that stood in front of him, grasping his elbows while he kissed back softly before the two of them settled back into a hug, leaning into each other’s both internal and external warmth.

  
_He is human_ , he concluded.


	3. La Vie En Rose

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: La Vie En Rose by Edith Piaf  
> Ooooooof thanks for keeping around for this fic, for all the love, and all the support. definitely one of my shorter multi-part fics, but I love it all the same, and I hope you guys do too!

Connor had realized he really had no concept of time; yes, he knew exact time down to microseconds, but how long was time, really?

He realized this when (Y/N) said he’d been working at the precinct again for a long while.

_1 year, 7 months, 18 days, 3 hours, 16 minutes, 52 seconds…_

That was considered a long time, to his lover at least.

Lover.

The word surrounded him, and for the first time, he truly knew how to define it in his own words.

Lover, to him, meant warmth, sitting up all night to early workless mornings watching movies or talking, reading and cuddling with the windows open while it rained, hugging when it was cold or unpleasant emotions were evoked. Lover was Him, and He was beautiful.

 

They went on dates, despite the cockeyed looks (Y/N) would get for being with an Android, they were always good. The two never had arguments, very few and far between. Any fights the two of them had would end in apology and a loving night. Every time this happened, Connor’s relationship status with you grew, and now it was telling him “Soulmate”.

That was ridiculous, he thought. He’d need a soul to have a soulmate, and he was man-made. Things man-made, _artificial_ , couldn’t have souls, _right?_

_If you think about it, people are man made as well._

Connor’s eyes widened slightly and he thought about it. Then that would make humans just as artificial as he was, they just had more… _biology_.

He got a tap to his jaw and looked up.

 _Why are you even worried about having a soul, Connor? It’s never bothered you before, and this sort of existentialism is going to your first big breakdown,_ he said jokingly.

“I’m confused by my data results,” he said lowly, still in thought.

_Well, what are they?_

He stilled, “You’ll think it’s odd, especially if I can’t find a way to come to some sort of conclusion as to why it’d even in the slighte-”

He stopped when (Y/N) covered his mouth with a hand, an easy smile over his face, _It’s okay, Connor. Just tell me._

Connor nodded, “When I looked at my relationship status’ because I was confused where Hank’s dog, Sumo, and I stood because he bit me the other day, our relationship said ‘Soulmates’. I know there’s got to be something wrong, a malfunction but I scanned myself and there wasn’t-”

His lover hit his chest and kissed him after, cupping both sides of his face. Connor lifted his hands and steadily put them on (Y/N)’s hips. He loved the way the hip bones of his partner were so simple and intricate at the same time; how they curved and dipped.

They pulled from each other, and the last thing Connor expected was to see (Y/N) laughing.

“What- what’s wrong? What did I do?”

He laughed, _Nothing, nothing. Connor, not knowing if you have a soul is part of being human, and seeing someone as your soulmate means… you don’t wanna let go to them, that the two of you belong together in an intricate and overly-detailed way._

“But I’ve… always thought that? In some way or another.”

He shakes his head, _Not just that. Not just the numbers and anylitics. It’s about loving the person and understanding you are receiving just as much love as you are putting out to the person. It’s truly loving someone, that makes you confused, makes you think you have a soul when all you’ve ever thought was the world was science and nothing more extravagant. It’s wanting to grow old with a person._

Connor thought a bit more, processing his boyfriend’s words, who could very easily tell by the way his LED lit up, ringing around his temple in bright yellow.

“Then I love you,” he stated simply, a smile bringing his emotion to face value, “And I hope you do too, and I hope that we _can_ grow old together.”

A larger laugh hit his lover’s chest as he smiled back, nodding, _I love you too, idiot._

Connor leaned, planting a rare, initiated kiss to (Y/N)’s forehead before hugging him tightly.

* * *

 

The wintry months of Detroit always were the best times for laying in bed together, watching movies with the subtitles on and talking about how the actors were good or bad, how the storyline was, and, in (Y/N)’s words, _Should that bitch **really** be getting back with him? _

The internal heating of Connor whirled through fans for when his body got too cold, (Y/N)’s head on his bare chest, the synthetic skin soft to the touch as (Y/N) ran his fingertips over Connor’s chest. The other man’s chest rumbled with quiet laughter as Connor’s ears picked up on the short and fast breaths leaving his nostrils that indicated such before he sat up and looked to Connor.

_I’m hungry, are you?_

This made Connor tilt his head. He was an android, and although he was more in touch with his humanity, he still lacked the basic human needs of life, like eating. Even his breaths were synthetic, designed for him to only look more human, and while it did drain his battery life, he kept it on for his partner and friends. There wasn’t a downside to his battery life, in his eyes; it meant he got to sleep like a normal human being with the one he loved. But food?

Did that mean (Y/N) forgot he was simply less than human?

_Sorry, I forgot. You don’t eat._

Connor smiled at this; he was right about (Y/N)’s thoughts of him, but strangely enough, he didn’t feel the need to correct him, tell him he didn’t need food. The matter of the fact was that (Y/N) truly saw him as an equal.

“No, it’s okay. Let’s get you something to eat. I can pretend.” he shrugged

(Y/N) snorted and smacked Connor’s shoulder playfully before getting up and stretching.

 _I’m thinking Chinese tonight,_ He said, pulling out his phone with a smile.

“Done. I’m paying.” Connor said after (Y/N) looked up. He’d analyzed takeout leftovers from (Y/N)’s home, finding what it was he liked.

 _And how are you going to pay for it? They don’t take head money,_ He joked, tapping next to Connor’s LED as a joke.

“With money, of course. After the rebellion, androids couldn’t take from cyberlife anymore and jobs they were in have to physically pay them instead of the company.”

 _I don’t think it’s fair you got to be a detective without any college,_ (Y/N) pouted in a silly manner, making Connor laugh, _I’m serious! College is hard, double hard if you have to have a translator!_

Connor shook his head with a lax grin and wrapped his arms around his lover’s shoulders, who stopped complaining, simply enjoying the moment and rubbing Connor’s back, peppering kisses on his neck and chest. Connor could feel him smile, one look at him showed chemical releases he could easily identify, but the combination of them adding up to love made his own heart race, the mere fact that he made this beautiful, brilliant human being feel so much.

In an instant he turned the radio on, a steady beat and rhythm played through the speakers.

 _“I want to try something,”_ Connor signed, speaking alongside his hands, watching (Y/N)’s surprised look, “ _Let’s dance?”_

_There’s no music, not that I could hear any._

Connor shakes his head and touches the side of his boyfriend, tapping to the beat, _“You can listen this way.”_ he says with a soft smile.

(Y/N) looks up to Connor lovingly and smiley, _You’re lame and I love you._

Connor laughs, resting his other hand on his lover's chest as (Y/N) asks, _Is it okay to just sway?_ Gaining a nod from Connor, and wrapping his arms around him in a hug-like fashion. Connor did as promised, swaying in a comfortable and warm silence, tapping lightly on (Y/N)’s hip to the beat, humming to the song as his partner laid his head on his chest. He may not be able to hear, but he could feel every vibration of Connor’s smooth voice replicating the song.

 _Alors je sens en moi, Mon coeur qui bat, Des nuits d'amour a plus finir_ _  
_ _Un grand bonheur qui prend sa place, Des enuis des chagrins, s'effacent, Heureux, heureux a en mourir._ _  
_ _Quand il me prend dans ses bras, Il me parle tout bas_   
_Je_ vois _la vie en rose. Il me dit des mots_ d'amour _..._

(Y/N) got his Chinese Delivery later that night, Miles stopped by from his own apartment, and the two played the part of real people with human emotion.


End file.
